After Action Report #54

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_02] Today's episode is brought to you by Love Unlimited, a sexual wellness retailer that carries brands like Lilo and B-Vibe and nothing on the package says what's inside. For a limited time, all toys are buy one, get one 50% off. If you are like me, if you are looking for a recommendation from me, get the Love & Domi 2. You will be glad you did. Go to loveunlimited.com slash savage or use code savage at checkout.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00] Dipsy is the number one app for erotic audio stories with over 1000 stories and more each week. There's something for every kink and fantasy out there. Go to dipsystories.com slash savage for your first week free, then 25% off. You're listening to After Action Report at savage.love.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_02] After Action Report.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_01] Large city in the eastern half of the United States. I just had a milestone birthday and I can now say that I survived the 60s twice. Then with my husband almost 28 years, then open about half that time. We tried monogamy but didn't work for us and have a very good, strong relationship now.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01] I have a boyfriend of four years. My husband's 11 years younger and my boyfriend is 15 years younger. They help keep me young and thinking young.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_02] It's the beauty of the age gap relationship.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_01] Yes, yes.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_02] For the older person, there are perks also for the younger guys. I want to ask though if I can pry. You say you've been with your husband for 28 years and you were monogamous for many of those years, but it didn't work. Was it difficult to pivot from failing at monogamy to succeeding at non-monogamy? Was there cheating?

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_01] Well, I think one of the things to keeping a relationship is making it very hard to split up, which we did very easily. We combined finances. We bought a house together. We bought a house together. It forced us to work through things where you might just say, I give up.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_01] But I think we both came to a realization that we loved each other very much and that we were able to separate jealousy and those kind of feelings from, he's not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere. So we came up with some rules that we could both live by and we've pretty much lived by those for several years now and it works for us.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_02] All right. What's the sexual adventure you wanted to share?

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01] Well, a few months ago, my husband registered us to go to a horse market. It was the San Francisco horse market, but it was hitting several cities in the United States and so he registered us for it.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_02] Okay. For the innocents out there and the straight people, what is a horse market? What are you talking about? We're not talking about you went and bought a racehorse. What's a horse market?

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_01] It, I guess, originated in Berlin and you got to give it to the Berliners. They're the kinkiest fucks in the world. So basically, four rules. There's the stable master. There are the stallions, the mares and the stable handlers. And so the stable master organizes, you know, make sure everything is running.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_02] This is a sex party. Wait, just really quickly. This is a gay and bi men's sex party.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_01] So the stallions are the tops. The mares are the bottoms. And there are probably close to twice as many stallions as there are mares because a lot of the stallions, once they, you know, some of the guys are, you know, come and done.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01] And so they want more stallions to be there. And the mares are hooded. And never do you meet other than a hooded person with their ass up to receive a stallion.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_02] So it's a kind of group, anonymous sex. But the stallions, the guys who are tops who are there, they can all see each other. It's just the bottoms are hooded.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_01] Right. Because that is kind of the anonymous part. The mares do not know. And we don't really know what the mares look like. We know what their bodies look like. We know what if they're hairy, if they're black, if they're white, if they're Latino. But we don't know what they look like. So that's that was kind of the interesting part.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_02] So how much time elapsed in between you hearing about a horse market and going to a horse market sex party?

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_01] It was a few weeks. First, you know, we had to register and my boyfriend was really upset. Well, he was disappointed. He wanted to go as a mare because he's pretty much a total bottom. And they were, of course, as in so many cities or in the gay community, there's more bottoms than tops.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_01] So they had run out of spots for mares. And so he actually ended up going as a stallion, too, as did my husband and I.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_02] Wow. So this was a family outing.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_01] It was a family outing. Yes. Yes. And there are rules. You know, it's not like it's just a free for all. So one of the things that I'm really concerned about is consent. And so when somebody has their ass up or they're in a sling or on a fuck bench or whatever, there's just kind of an assumption that, you know, there's consent, which for the most part there is.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01] But there's also rules. When you get to the horse market, the mares go in a separate entrance, are taken to separate rooms. The stallions go in a different entrance and are held in a room. The mares are led up into the stable.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_02] Already hooded.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_01] Once they're hooded, then the stallions are allowed in. You cannot change rules. Once you're in there, if you go as a stallion, if you try to get up on a bench or whatever, the stable handlers will ask you to leave. Just because you go to it does not guarantee that you're going to have sex.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_02] This has got to be like gay men complain so much about gym in grade school and middle school and high school and getting picked last. And yet there's so many gay men who've been to horse markets where you're recreating at least the risk of being picked last for the team or not picked at all.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. If you wear a red hood, you will accept guys who are bareback. You can wear a condom, but you can go bareback. You cannot remove a hood. Nobody can ask for, you know, whisper, hey, you know, meet me up. You know, if they're like a hustler or a pay for play services.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_02] Wait. So do guys do guys who want you to wear a condom wear a different color hood?

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01] If the guys who are OK with bareback, they wear the ones red hood means that you are free to bareback. If they wear a white hood, you must wear a condom.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_02] And who enforces that if the hooded mares can't see who's fucking them? How do the hooded mares know that the ones who want condoms in the white hoods know that the guys are wearing condoms? How can they where's the trust in this anonymous sex situation?

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_01] There are quite a few stable handlers. And so if a mare taps out or needs a break, they raise their hand because they can't remove their hood while they're in there. They cannot see the stallions and the stable handler will help them off into a room where they can regroup or maybe they're done. And so, you know, they're going to they're going to go out the door then.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01] You know, no videos, of course, no drugs, alcohol, no maximum impact.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_02] And so, again, so the stable hands are the ones who if somebody tries to put a bare dick into a mare who's wearing a white hood, it's the stable hands who will intervene at the moment. Uh huh. OK. I hope they have pen lights or something.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't very brightly lit. And to tell you the truth, I only saw one guy with a white hood on.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_02] You know, that tracks.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of where we are in the community now. But, you know, I've always been a proponent that I am responsible for my own sexual health. And I know the risk and I accept the risk and I'll take the necessary precautions. You know, I've been on prep for years. I take Doxypep. And so I know what the risks are.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_02] OK, so how was the party? Did you enjoy it? Did everybody in the family enjoy it?

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_01] I did. My husband and I enjoyed it more than the boyfriend, of course. Oh, and the other thing is if you have a large piercing or are fairly large, a mare can refuse you. So they just, you know, put their hand back and say, you're too big. And as a stable master said, if they say that, come back to him in 10 minutes and you'll have no problem.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_02] First of all, you could take it as a compliment. Right. You're too big and you can circle back. Um, I think a lot of people listening to this, including some gay people would find the, the scenario, the premise of this party really dehumanizing. Like literally like the, the, the mayors are all hooded. Um, all the guys who are doing the fucking have this power of sight and can see each other and can see the mayors. The mayors can't see anything. Um, did it have a dehumanizing vibe or was it friendly and affectionate?

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_02] Like you were there. I've never been to one of these parties. What was the, the vibe like?

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_01] Like that most of the guys were really, were really into it. When I first walk in, I see a guy has a nice little tight body up in a sling and I like, I like to fuck guys in sling. So I went over and I'm a pretty big guy. So I took his hand and had him feel me. I said, do you think you can take me? And he said, just, you know, go slowly. And so I, you know, kind of, I don't know.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_01] I'm, I'm talking to him and stuff, you know, saying, you know, your ass is going to feel so good and, and stuff. And he's like, yeah, daddy, you know, and stuff like that. And I just slowly kind of rubbed against him. And then, you know, he let me in.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_01] And, um, we played for a while when I looked up and there were like two or three stable handlers and, and, uh, two or three other stallions standing around us kind of, you know, cheering us on. And, you know, so we played for a while and then one of the other, I asked one of the other stallions if he'd like go at it. And he said, yeah. And so I moved on to somebody else. You know, most of the guys were verbal and I'm verbal.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_01] And, but a couple of the guys, they were just dead silent. And I, that, that, those are the ones that I think, I don't know what's going on in their minds. If, you know, there's some gay men who hold some, uh, kind of unhealthy images of themselves about being gay. And I, I don't know if that was why they were nonverbal or if it was just that that's how they are.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_02] So did you have a good time?

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_01] I had a great time.

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_02] Would you go back?

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_01] I would definitely go back.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_02] What would you say to all those gay men out there that I see constantly on social media who are about to turn 30? And are saying like, oh, that's when gay life is over. You're basically dead and invisible. And yet there you are then in your sixties at the horse market as a stallion and a popular one. What would you say to those guys who are 29 and about to turn 30 who are predicting gay death?

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_01] Just keeping the game. I mean, I go to the gym, I take care of myself. You know, I kind of created this persona. I, I'm, I'm an introvert by nature. You know, if I go to a party, I'm, I'm going to find the one guy who's over there sitting by himself and I'm going to go over and we can sit there and talk. My husband will go in and he'll know the name of 20 people by the time we leave.

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01] You know, so I just kind of created this, my alter ego, which was kind of this daddy. And to tell you the truth, Dan, I have, I've had more sex in my sixties than at any other age in my life.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_02] Get it.

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_02] Right. Right. Like we can get it still in our sixties.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_01] And the big surprise to me was my husband got the email. Oh, you were voted best in show stallion. But, and that, that was voted by the stable handlers.

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_02] Oh my God. Congratulations. Best in show stallion. Was there a best in show mayor?

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_01] There was that, that, that, that is voted on by the stallions. But since the mayors can't see the stallions, but the stable handlers can, they are the ones who select the best of show.

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_02] Well, congratulations on being best in show. I hope that gets you comps to the next horse market that comes through.

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_01] It does. I get, I get free comps to the next horse market.

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_02] Oh my God. Congratulations. Mark, thank you so much for coming on after action report. Dan, it's been a great pleasure. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you, Mark. And congrats again on being best in show. All right. If you have a story for me, whether wild or tame, good or bad, write it down, send it to Q at savage.love. And you might be my next guest on after action. After action report.

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_00] We're all looking for better sleep these days. And as an after action report listener, you surely know, an orgasm is one of the best sleep aids there is. Believe you me, Dipsy can help you get there. Dipsy is the number one app for erotic audio stories created by women for everyone. Dipsy's library has over 1,000 stories. Whatever you're into, there's a story for it. And you can filter by kink and by spiciness. And new stories come out every week.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00] Right now, Dipsy's giving our listeners their first week free and then 25% off after that when you sign up at dipsystories.com slash savage. That's D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash savage.

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_02] Today's episode was brought to you by Love Unlimited. 90 days to decide if you love it. And if you don't, they'll help you find something you do. For a limited time, all toys are buy one, get one 50% off. If you are like me, you are going to love the Love Ants Domi 2. It's a vibrator. Oh my God. It is life changing. Go to loveunlimited.com slash savage or use code savage at checkout.